Period movies have captured the hearts of many over the years, whether it’s an epic historical fiction or a swoonworthy romantic tale. Perhaps the intrigue comes from wanting to escape modern life. Indeed, one can have fun hiding in history as it introduces us to a different time- a time when society was overruled by social faux pas and lavish costumes. Of course, this is an oversimplification.
But where most attribute their love for period pieces to films like Pride & Prejudice and Gladiator, not every movie can emulate their successes. Between poorly written scripts, wacky casting choices, and comical production executions – there are some period pieces that can’t even be saved by their historical settings. These are some of the worst.
10 ‘W.E.’ (2012)
Directed by Madonna
Stuck in her own toxic marriage as a 1998 housewife, Wally Winthrop (Abbie Cornish) takes comfort in the infamous love story between King Edward VIII (James D’Arcy) and Wallis Simpson (Andrea Riseborough). But upon further research, Wally soon realizes that the royal relationship isn’t as perfect as it seems, allowing herself to find the courage to seek out her own happiness.
With a captivating historical romance, a talented group of actors, and a wildly creative legend at the helm of this project – one can only wonder how it all went wrong? Well, between the clunky dialogue, the endless amounts of tracking shots, and the complete mismanagement of the paralleling storylines, there is a lot to choose from. Sure, props can be given to the production quality and Riseborough’s stand-out performance; unfortunately, much of that is mostly overshadowed by the messy melodrama of it all.
W.E.
- Release Date
- September 1, 2011
- Director
- Madonna
- Runtime
- 89
- Writers
- Alek Keshishian , Madonna
9 ‘Iron Mask’ (2019)
Directed by Oleg Stepchenko
Set in the 1700s, cartographer Jonathan Green (Jason Flemyng) sets off on his mission to map out the Far East territories of the Russian Empire. But along the way, he soon gets entangled within a wide range of fantastical adventures that include supernatural dragon scrolls, a mystical wizard, and Captain Hook himself.
Close your eyes and imagine a film that has anything and everything you could ever want. Apparently, that became a reality for the creatives of Iron Mask – and not in a good way. Indeed, this film is very messy and can’t exactly pinpoint what it wants to be. If anything, it’s a B-grade action-flick, with some A-list cast members, that’s horribly weighed down by D-grade writing and performances. Perhaps the one fun thing is how audiences got to see Jackie Chan and Arnold Schwarzenegger (and even Charles Dance) go toe-to-toe with one another. It may be incredibly goofy, but it’s a cross-over of icons we never knew we needed to see.
The Iron Mask
- Release Date
- August 16, 2019
- Director
- Oleg Stepchenko
- Runtime
- 112
- Writers
- Aleksey Petrukhin , Oleg Stepchenko
8 ‘The Scarlet Letter’ (1995)
Directed by Roland Joffé
In 17th century New England, young Hester Prynne (Demi Moore) awaits the arrival of her older husband. But upon establishing a new independence, she begins to forge new bonds, including one with the very popular Reverend Arthur Dimmesdale (Gary Oldman). Eventually, the two engage in a sinful, passionate affair after Hester’s husband is presumed dead. But when a child is conceived and Hester refuses to name the father, she is humiliated by her Puritan community, who label her an adultress.
With such revered source material and a star-studded cast, it’s shocking to see just how bad The Scarlet Letter came to be. Fans of the novel were outraged as to how the script essentially reflected a skeleton of the original narrative, as it was no longer a gripping tale of morality and guilt, but one that prioritized voyeuristic sensuality and cringey melodrama. How icky. No wonder it was up for numerous Razzie Awards.
The Scarlet Letter (1995)
- Release Date
- October 13, 1995
- Director
- Roland Joffe
- Runtime
- 135 Minutes
- Writers
- Douglas Day Stewart
7 ‘The Last Legion’ (2007)
Directed by Doug Lefler
After the fall of Rome, its last emperor, the 12-year-old Romulus Augustus (Thomas Brodie-Sangster), is able to escape his prison in Capri, thanks to the help of his wise teacher, Ambrosinus (Ben Kingsley), a loyal Commander, Aurelius (Colin Firth), as well as a fierce warrior named Mira (Aishwarya Rai). Together, the group set off on a journey to Britannia where they must battle the evil Vortygn (Harry Van Gorkum).
History buffs look away because The Last Legion is anything but a seemingly accurate retelling of the collapse of the Roman Empire. Sure, anachronistic adaptations can be fun and beloved – but that’s only if it’s done well. For some bizarre reason, this movie messily mish-mashes Roman history with the Arthurian legend. The writing is clunky, the plots are ridiculous, and the highly respectable cast is criminally wasted on laughable scenes. What a shame.
The Last Legion
- Release Date
- April 19, 2007
- Director
- Doug Lefler
- Runtime
- 102
- Writers
- Jez Butterworth , Tom Butterworth , Carlo Carlei , Peter Rader , Valerio Manfredi
6 ‘The Scorpion King’ (2002)
Directed by Chuck Russell
Set in a time before the pyramids, Mathayus (Dwayne Johnson) is hired by the leaders of the free people to assassinate the tyrannical King Memnon (Steven Brand) and his fortune-telling sorceress, Cassandra (Kelly Hu). But this task proves to be much more difficult than expected. Now, aligned with some unexpected allies, Mathayus not only faces a daunting mission, but a shocking new destiny.
Let’s be real, where most absolutely adore The Mummy Returns, there’s no denying how goofy the introduction to the Scorpion King was. Perhaps it was the shockingly bad CGI or the mere surprise of Johnson’s appearance – but either way, turning this character into a spin-off story was an interesting choice to say the least. Sure, the premise may have been intriguing, but the execution of The Scorpion King struggles to hit the marks of an epic blockbuster. From its cheesy line deliveries to oddly depicted fight sequences, this may be a movie that is so bad that it’s good.
5 ‘Pompeii’ (2014)
Directed by W.S. Anderson
In 79 A.D., Milo (Kit Harrington), a slave-turned-gladiator, falls in love and catches the eye of Cassia (Emily Browning). Unfortunately for him, she’s the daughter of a wealthy merchant who’s also betrothed to a corrupt Roman senator. But when Mount Vesuvius suddenly erupts, Milo finds himself in a race against time as he must fight his way out to save his beloved as Pompeii crumbles around them.
Disaster movies aren’t all doomed to fail. Indeed, despite the likeliness of them leaning into the melodrama, there are some that come out unscathed. Sadly, Pompeii was not one of them. Rather than delivering an action-filled epic or an emotionally-charged tragedy, audiences were met with uninspired clichés that were relatively dull and extremely laughable. Oh the potential this film had. Perhaps this is another “it’s so bad it’s good” film.
4 ‘Alexander’ (2004)
Directed by Oliver Stone
An iconic figure of history, Alexander the Great (Colin Farrell) was a relentless conqueror who amassed the greatest empire the world ever witnessed. This movie trails this wild journey from his childhood to his ascension to the throne, as well as his unexpected death at the young age of 32.
With how much this movie has been meme-ed over the years, it’s safe to say that it isn’t well regarded. Even Farrell himself cringes upon reflection, and we can’t exactly blame him. From the wish-washy accents to the hilariously bleached wigs to the overall messy script, Alexander lacks any sense of coherency. Not even its epic scope can save it, although appreciation can be given to its campiness (and the fact that the film has been re-released three more times).
3 ‘Gotti’ (2018)
Directed by Kevin Connolly
Raised on the streets of New York, John Gotti (John Travolta) climbs the ranks of the criminal Gamboni family until he finally reaches the pinnacle, as the syndicates’ boss. But his lavish life of crime takes a sudden sharp turn when he’s struck with several tragedies, legal trials, and hard-hitting criminal convictions.
Biopics and the crime genre usually go hand-in-hand, with most films finding their own niche audience. Unfortunately, Gotti struggled in all regards by giving viewers an unnecessarily convoluted tale that superficially skimmed the life of one of the world’s most notorious mobsters. The enriching plot-points were right there, and yet, the creatives decided to craft a sluggish story that only got worse as the timeline became more disjointed. Indeed, this movie was so badly received, it still remains to be one of the few films with a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Gotti
- Release Date
- June 14, 2018
- Runtime
- 112 Minutes
- Writers
- Lem Dobbs , Leo Rossi
2 ‘The Conqueror’ (1956)
Directed by Dick Powell
Mongolian warlord, Temujin (John Wayne), falls in love with Bortai (Susan Hayward), the daughter of the Tartar leader, and abducts her. This initiates a war between enemy armies, which oddly leads to Bortai reciprocating feelings of affection. Meanwhile, Temujin suspects a traitor in his mix and strives to root them out before he can overcome the Tartars.
Casting Wayne as Ghengis Khan should already serve as an indication of this film’s lack of caliber – which is ironic given that he lobbied hard to get the role. But don’t let the massive scope fool you. The Conqueror falls short at every opportunity. Between the lackluster performances to the laughable writing choices, it’s hard to imagine how this was marketed as a tension-filled historical epic. What’s even worse is that the making of this movie allegedly led to an epidemic of cancer diagnoses within the cast and crew, due to the filming locations being around nuclear test sites. Yikes.
The Conqueror
- Release Date
- March 28, 1956
- Director
- Dick Powell
- Runtime
- 111 minutes
- Cast
- John Wayne , Susan Hayward , Pedro Armendáriz , Agnes Moorehead
- Writers
- Oscar Millard
1 ‘Meet the Spartans’ (2008)
Directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
Spartan King Leonidas (Sean Maguire) leads his 13 ragtag warriors in a battle against a massive army, sent by Xerxes (Ken Davitian) – the evil Persian King. With nothing but leather chaps and break dancing skills, this group must band together to fight for their land’s freedom. Yes – this is basically Z-grade 300.
The classic parody movie. This is a genre that has stood the test of time. However, it’s safe to say that the 2000s was an era that created its own sub-genre thanks to the minds of Friedberg and Seltzer. Meet the Spartans was one of their huge commercial successes, though, like most of their other films, it was widely criticized across the world. From the gratuitous humor to the scatological gags, this movie managed to pack-in every offensive -ism known to humankind. Frankly, it’s not even painfully funny. It’s just painful.
Meet the Spartans
- Release Date
- January 24, 2008
- Director
- Jason Friedberg , Aaron Seltzer
- Runtime
- 84
- Cast
- Sean Maguire , Carmen Electra , Ken Davitian , Kevin Sorbo , Diedrich Bader , Method Man
- Writers
- Jason Friedberg , Aaron Seltzer
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