“The real meditation is how you live your life.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn
I never saw myself as someone who would meditate. It wasn’t even on my radar until my wife suggested it while we were both working on our wellness. I chuckled. Like a lot of people, I assumed meditation meant sitting still, trying to clear my mind, whatever that even meant. It sounded impossible and, frankly, frustrating.
I grew up in the rust belt, part of the baby boomer generation, and I’ve spent my life working hard, showing up, and taking care of my own. I love hard and play hard. I enjoy a good bourbon, an occasional cigar, and being a little stupid with my friends and family. That’s always been part of my life.
That’s who I was when I started this practice, and that’s still who I am today. Meditation didn’t change me into someone different. It didn’t make me soft, overly serious, or turn me into some enlightened guru. It just made me more aware. The same things I’ve always loved, I still love. The same challenges I’ve always faced, I still face. The only difference is that now, I experience it all with a little more presence. Life didn’t change. I just stopped rushing through it.
At the time, I dealt with stress the way a lot of people do—by staying busy. If I felt overwhelmed, my instinct was to distract myself. I would work harder, scroll through my phone, watch TV, or find something to keep my mind occupied. The idea of sitting in silence with nothing but my thoughts sounded like torture.
At the same time, I couldn’t ignore the fact that I was constantly drained. Even when I wasn’t actively dealing with a problem, I carried this low-level tension everywhere I went. My mind was always racing, thinking about what needed to get done, replaying past conversations, and worrying about things that hadn’t even happened yet. It was exhausting.
So, I gave meditation a shot. Not because I believed in it but because I figured I had nothing to lose. What I learned along the way completely changed my perspective, but not all at once.
I think a lot of people expect some kind of breakthrough moment with meditation, like flipping on a light switch where suddenly everything feels calm and clear. That never happened to me. Instead, it was more like a dimmer switch—subtle, slow, and almost unnoticeable at first.
The biggest misconception I had was that meditation was about emptying the mind. That’s not the point at all. And honestly, if that was the goal, I probably would have quit on day one.
Meditation isn’t about forcing thoughts away. It’s about noticing them without getting caught up in them. It’s about observing what’s happening inside rather than constantly reacting to the outside world. Think of it like sitting on the side of a busy road, watching cars pass by. Cars are your thoughts. You don’t need to chase them or jump in. You just watch.
Once I stopped trying to clear my mind and instead focused on simply noticing my thoughts, the practice became much easier. More than that, it started to make a difference in my daily life, but not in some dramatic, life-altering way. There was no single moment where I thought, “This is it. Meditation has changed everything.” It was far more gradual than that.
I started noticing small shifts. I felt shorter bursts of calm in my day, even in stressful moments. Instead of immediately reacting when something frustrated me, I had a split second of space to breathe first. I became more present and less lost in overthinking.
I realized I wasn’t spending as much time stuck in my head, replaying past mistakes or worrying about the future. And perhaps most importantly, stress didn’t grip me the way it used to. It still crept in, but I caught it earlier and let it go faster.
That, I’ve come to understand, is what meditation really does. It doesn’t erase stress. It just helps you see it sooner so it doesn’t take over.
One of the most unexpected benefits was that I became much better at recognizing when I was running on autopilot. Before, I would get lost in thought without realizing it. I would stress about everything, scroll through my phone, or half-listen to conversations while my brain was somewhere else. Meditation helped me break that habit. I started to realize how often I was going through the motions without truly being present. That awareness alone made a difference.
At this point, meditation isn’t just something I “do.” It’s something that shows up in how I go about my day. And that, more than anything, has been the biggest shift. It’s easy to sit in a quiet room and meditate. The real challenge is remembering to breathe and stay aware in everyday moments. That’s where the practice really matters.
I’ve also realized that even when I don’t feel like meditating, that, in itself, is a form of meditation. The fact that I check in with myself, notice whether I’m avoiding something or just not in the mood, and allow myself the freedom to choose—that’s awareness. And that’s the whole point. I don’t pressure myself to meditate at a specific time every day because I know awareness isn’t confined to a cushion or a set routine. I am free to be free.
If you’re skeptical like I was, here’s what I’d recommend. Forget about clearing your mind. Trying to shut off your thoughts is like trying to stop the wind. It’s not going to happen. Instead, just notice your thoughts without getting carried away by them. You don’t have to control or judge them. Just observe.
Keep it short. You don’t need to sit for thirty minutes. Start with two to five minutes. That’s it. You wouldn’t expect to lift heavy weights on your first day at the gym, right? Meditation is the same. It’s mental muscle that gets stronger over time.
Make it easy. There’s no need to sit in a perfect cross-legged position or chant mantras unless you want to. Just sit comfortably, whether on a chair, couch, or even lying down, and focus on your breath. No need to overcomplicate it.
Expect your mind to wander. That’s normal. Meditation isn’t about having a blank mind. It’s about noticing when your attention drifts and gently bringing it back. That is the practice. Stick with it. The benefits sneak up on you. You might not notice a difference at first, but over time, you’ll realize you feel a little calmer and a little more grounded. Give it time.
Over time, I stopped thinking of meditation as something separate from the rest of my day. It became less about sitting in silence and more about paying attention. Noticing my breath when I felt unsettled. Feeling the weight of my body in my chair while working. Catching my mind when it started spiraling into stress. It all counts.
At the end of the day, I’m still the same guy. I still work hard, love hard, and enjoy a good bourbon and laugh with my friends. Meditation didn’t make me a different person. It just helped me show up for my own life in a way I never had before. And for me, that’s been enough.
What moments in your life are slipping by unnoticed? Where can you slow down, even for a breath, and truly be present? You don’t need to change who you are or chase some perfect version of mindfulness. Just notice. Just pay attention.
As Jon Kabat-Zinn reminds us, “The real meditation is how you live your life.” It’s not about sitting still or doing things a certain way. It’s about showing up—fully—for the life you already have.
So, take a deep breath, bring a little more awareness into your day, and let the rest take care of itself.
Always remember to JUST BREATHE.